All posts by Tabitha

Change is a very scary entity for many individuals. It can be terrifying, even debilitating, for us to identify the habits, routines and rituals that are no longer serving our highest good, and then proceed to change them. Why is that?
I believe it’s a lot like the initial introduction to Algebra. Seeing an unknown variable in an equation can be rather intimidating at first. When an equation is consistent, containing a set of numerical values, we can determine the answer using logic and a set of basic mathematical skills such as addition or subtraction to come to a conclusion. We can confidently assume a solution because we’ve had success in previous experiences using novice principles, and the answer is often rather simple- black and white, if you will. In many instances, we can even count on our fingers to check our work.
Conversely, with algebra, we can’t be sure of our success until after we’ve completed the equation. We have to substitute the unknown variable with a determined solution to know whether or not we’ve concluded correctly throughout. Furthermore, when we realize we went wrong somewhere along the way, we find ourselves having to start from the beginning, slowly working through the problem again with more precision, greater attention to detail, and a little more wisdom than when we began the first time.
Likewise, when substituting variables in our lives, we cannot be sure we’ve made the right choice until we’ve implemented the solution and checked our work. We can make educated calculations, use deductive reasoning, and even apply the process of elimination to come to a decision, but until we insert a value in place of our metaphorical x, we just can’t know for certain we took the right steps. To complicate matters further, life often has many variables that may require substitution, with countless steps we can take, and a myriad of outcomes we could potentially achieve. How do we identify which variables need a substitute? How can we be confident we’re taking all the right steps, and doing so in the right order? And how do we backtrack when we’ve found ourselves defeated, with the wrong solution, having to work our way through the equation of life once more?
THIS is where it can get tricky, considering life is significantly multifaceted compared to even the most complex mathematical equations. The most important thing to remember about solving an Algebraic equation is that you must isolate the variable to either side of the equals sign. This is only possible if you divide the problem into smaller equations, with simpler operations, and solve it one step at a time.
Life comes at us very quickly, and it’s rare we have an abundance of time to really map out the path we’re going to take to get where we’re trying to go. So often, we find ourselves starting back at square one, feeling defeated that we didn’t get it right this time. But consider this… you probably know exactly where you went wrong. You probably know precisely which steps of the equation need a little more fine-tuning. Even better yet, it was probably a minor error you overlooked because you were in a hurry. You may find yourself heading back to the drawing board, but don’t underestimate the wisdom you gained by working through it once, as you are much less likely to make the same mistakes this time around. Hell, you’ll probably even see the pitfall coming before you stumble on it! The point is, you just have to start somewhere in order to isolate the variable.
You must break the complexity of your life down into smaller, simpler equations so you can more easily identify which variables you need to substitute to move forward. Life may be a bit complex, but change is the only constant in its’ equation, and If we would’ve avoided Algebraic equations altogether, then we probably wouldn’t have graduated high school. Well, I’m here to inform you that avoiding necessary changes in your life brings a far worse fate.
As for algebra, I was a straight A student in school… but I certainly failed my fair share of quizzes, and only scored moderately on tests. I blamed it on test anxiety, ha! But I always received a final grade of A in Math. Not because I always took the right steps, and not because I spent an unrealistic amount of time or attention on the equations. I succeeded because I worked my ass off, I always asked for extra credit, I (almost) always did my homework, and I never gave up. Apply these habits to implementing change in your life, and I assure you that every step you take will get you closer to the correct solution.

Intertwined

Have you ever thought about the miraculous effect of relationships on our lives? Is it just me, or is it so sab5f51b24175082a7b2d06e20752df80trange that the network of individuals surrounding your existence could potentially make or break your experience on earth? How is it that a group of like-minded individuals, with similar visions- who were likely introduced to each other through a mutual connection- can put their thoughts and ideas together to create positive and negative national, global and even generational changes?

The human experience is quite intricate, full of causes and effects; actions and reactions. How you treat others is dictated by how you internalize your worth, and will dictate the kind of people you have in your life, ultimately shaping the person you will become- a metaphorical etch-a-sketch painting your evolution, if you will. This will play the biggest role in your success. If you are surrounded by negativity, drama, fear, or hate, these limiting emotions will consume you, stunting your physiological growth. It is most imperative that you find a way to release those people from your inner circle, and refocus your attention on yourself so you can step into your light and shine!

Dig deep and find the person you are right now, in this present moment. Trust that it is a different person than the last time you tried this. Trust that you are better now because you are wiser. And trust that the person you envision being tomorrow can only exist if you learn to grow from the mistakes you make today. By doing this, you allow new thoughts and intentions to elicit new behaviors, resulting in more valuable relationships, with more people like you. You got this 🙂 

 

#bedtimethoughtsbytabi

 

Proud of me

Reaching beyond yourself is to find the strength to move forward so deep within you, that you reach beyond the threshold which bounds your spirit. To achieve under seemingly insurmountable odds is to reach beyond yourself, and this is ironically the place you will find yourself. You will be bent, broken and bruised, but you will come out stronger every time. The lessons you learned will continue surfacing for the rest of your life, and you will watch by in disbelief as you witness others mosey on throughout their day-to-day life, unhappy with their reality.

I couldn’t be more grateful for the life I’m living. I work hard every day to watch one foot land in front of the other, all the way to my destiny, and I am so incredibly proud of myself for getting this far. To name off one or two significant events in my life as my greatest accomplishments would be a disservice to myself. I would probably feel obligated to say that graduating college and jumping out of a plane were some of my proudest, most exhilarating moments to date. While that would be partially true, I would be equally excited to tell you that I’m proud of myself for being the glue that holds my family together, and being the first to break the generational cycle of physical and sexual abuse, addiction, poverty and neglect. I also wouldn’t leave out the part where I quit smoking cigarettes after 15 years while I was training for a bikini competition, after losing 100 lbs. Nor i would fail to mention my professional achievements.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m really proud of myself for becoming myself. My greatest accomplishment was waking up and realizing that I can have the life I choose, even if the path gets a little dicey sometimes. The life I was leading when I came to this realization didn’t resemble the one I saw in the future, so I changed it. I changed all of the things about it that I didn’t like, and it was rarely easy. In the end, every tear was accounted for, and every drop of sweat became an investment in my future.

The moment in my life when I decided I didn’t want to be like that anymore, and just… changed. That was the first day of the rest of my life! Not only has this achievement changed my perspective, but it’s helped me help others as well. The wisdom I’ve gained from a lifetime of reaching beyond myself provides honest and caring advice to struggling loved ones. I’ve become a sort of “safe haven” for those I’m closest to, and I’m thankful to be that.

“Achievement lies within the reach of those who reach beyond themselves.”

-Williams O’Hara

Why Do People Thank You?

Isn’t it funny how we often underestimate how well we really know ourselves? Do you have that one person in your life who cannot make a single decision without the go-ahead from a trusted friend or loved one? I remember being one of those people, and I probably developed the habit from my mother, who is still that way. When asked the question, “What are you good at?” the answers may vary from person to person. Some will talk about their athletic ability. Others, about their cooking or baking skills, and many more who will claim that there isn’t anything in particular they excel at. I may have come back with a similar answer a year or more ago. What’s interesting is that few people will speak to their intrinsic capabilities; their ability to communicate well, their overly-genuine personality, or their innate desire to help even a complete stranger.

Perhaps if we try rephrasing the question, we illicit a different response? Instead of asking what someone is good at, ask them why people thank them. This gives them permission to brag about their good qualities without owning the perspective that they are “good at it.” Why we’re afraid to shine is beyond me, but it often helps to have a narrative with which we can observe our unique qualities, and not have to feel as though we’re being narcissistic.

I’m often thanked for my patience and understanding, although I don’t consider myself to be a patient person. I’ve been told many times that I am appreciated for doing thoughtful things, or going out of my way to make others more comfortable. I agree that I’m a pretty skilled advice-giver, as I have learned to choose my words very carefully, but also maintain honesty. It would be accurate to say that those around me look to me to guide them and teach them.

The first thing I try to do when faced with less-than-ideal circumstances is to try and evaluate the situation from the perspective of the person whose “fault” it is. Is this person causing me grief on purpose? Is this person apologetic for the situation? Does this person cause me problems regularly? Answering these questions for myself helps me to determine whether or not the situation is worth fighting or agonizing over. When offering advice or suggestions to others, I think I take care in matching the person’s body language allowing me to connect with them a little deeper, and make them feel a little more comfortable.

I genuinely like helping others. I am happy if I can make someones life easier. Whether it’s a just a little, or a very big, significant amount, the level of personal satisfaction it brings me is unmatched. That is why I chose to do my undergrad in Social Work. Soon, I plan to travel the world teaching English to those who might not otherwise have the opportunity. When I return, the plan is to pursue a career as a life coach, helping others see open avenues in their lives where they might not have seen them before. Teaching, coaching, helping- those are all things I’m thanked for, and I’m thankful for that.

 

 

What really makes me angry about the world?

This post is difficult for me… I’m not as eager to host an entire discussion on something I don’t like. I’d much rather write about rainbows and unicorns to be honest. But then again, I’m an idealist. And sometimes, an idealist needs to practice being a realist so things can happen. So, without further adieu…

It seems my view of the world changes drastically with each passing year. Perhaps it’s my newfound knowledge which alters my perception of life and the world around me. Or maybe it’s my personal growth, stemmed from my experiences . I’m sure it’s likely a combination of these and other factors, but I realize the older I become, the more anger I harbor internally about the world around me. I hurt for the unjust conditions bestowed on mankind- by mankind. I become upset when I reflect on how our species has resorted to such degrees of greed, violence, terror, and hatred that we are becoming comfortably numb to the headlines.

When are we going to wake up and realize we’re all One? We’re made of the same star stuff for Christ’s sake! Our narrow minds can only see as deep as the symptom, which leads to controversy with our neighbors. Religion?  Intelligent way to keep the masses divided. Banks? Brilliant way to take the power away from the masses. Media? Controlled by the government to fill up the masses with bullshit so our opinions fit with their agenda; the one that was going to be carried out with or without your support. See, it’s not the belief nor the money or the internet which is evil. Rather, it’s the entities which capitalize on them in the interest of the top 1%. While the rest of us scramble to catch a foothold, they’re making plans to stay several steps ahead of us. What pisses me off most about the world is that I haven’t found a way to fix it yet. But I’ll make my crater someday.

Getting to know “The Tabitha Williams”

Hey there,

Thanks for taking the time to read my first blog post EVER! This is a monumental step in my life, as I have been subconsciously avoiding habitual writing since I was about 14 years old. I used to spend much of my time writing; poems, song lyrics, freestyle- it didn’t matter. I loved writing, and was always pretty good at it! Somewhere along the way, I think it just became too painful. It was always the primary outlet for coping with the pain I’d endured as a child, until I became old enough to discover drugs, alcohol and other similar mind-numbing activities.

Recently, I’ve turned to LYL for help. I’m soul searching, and working diligently to figure out who I am, what I want, and how I’m going to get it. I created a Facebook group to share my thoughts, ideas and opinions with others who share similar notions, but I’ve found myself readily sharing other people’s ideas instead. I hope this blog will allow me to begin the process of transforming my jumbled thoughts into letters that make up words, which can then be strung together to create sentences. Regurgitating the whirlwind of thoughts in my head is sure to help my peace of mind, and eventually provide the world with something great! I know my thoughts can and will be useful to somebody, somewhere, and that’s all I really need to know. Until next time!